The Grandparent Connection
15 December 2014
In today’s busy families, be they dual income or single-parent, a grandparent’s presence is more important than ever. An involved grandparent has a lot to offer a child’s development, while enriching their own lives, by building a unique cross-generational bond that leaves a lasting legacy.
To make this happen, it is important to seize the opportunity to build those connections and the memories that go with them, whether it’s once a year or every day.
From playmate to mentor
Australian researchers Goodfellow & Laverty found there are four distinct types of grandparent; those whose lives revolve around their grandchildren, those who are fairly involved but also have their own interests, those who feel grandchildren are an important part of their lives but do not want to be defined by that role, and those who are hesitant about being grandparents.
Each model of interaction presents its own benefits, allowing grandchildren to gain an appreciation for their grandparents’ involvement in various capacities, such as historian, tutor, mentor, role model, nurturer, playmate or other. By taking on these roles, grandparents can make a lasting impact on the younger generation.
According to recent data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, grandparents hold main caregiver responsibilities in 16,000 families.
While this presents its own challenges, those who take on the responsibility say it brings many rewards, including giving grandkids a sense of security, developing a deeper relationship and keeping the family together.
With increasing numbers of children living in families where both parents work, there are a growing number of grandparents who provide regular supplementary care, which often requires a sterner approach. However, these consistent visits also allow the older generation to develop close relationships with their grandchildren and help form their values, identities and dreams.
Other grandparents, particularly those living far away, tend to focus on creating memories by taking part in fun activities and may be less inclined to spend much time parenting or disciplining their grandchildren. While visiting grandchildren overseas can be financially difficult for some, Dr Read says that creating that bond holds significant value for everyone involved.
Raising resilient kids
“The love of a grandparent is often freer, more unconditional, and far less psychologically complex than a parent’s love because they usually have less parental requirements,” says Susan V Bosak, author of How to Build the Grandma Connection. This leads to a different type of relationship and is thought to have a significantly positive effect on the child’s life.
A survey conducted by Oxford University and the Institute of Education in London found that children are generally happier if grandparents are involved in their upbringing.
It states that grandparents often have more time than working parents to provide support, advice and problem-solving for children, especially those who are serving in any type of caregiving capacity, whether it be full-time provider or part-time childcare. These close relationships helped buffer the effects of life’s challenges, such as parental separation, because they provided stability.
“Children with a warm, loving relationship with their grandparents are more likely to be resilient and have higher self-esteem,” says Dr Julie Green, executive director of the Raising Children Network in Australia.
Key to feeling young
But it is not all about benefits for the kids. Grandparents have said that having their grandchildren as part of their lives has enriched it, given them a sense of purpose and increased their desire to live as long as they can.
They also report an increased sense of wellbeing, feelings of being part of a family and broader society and an improved social life through connections with grandchildren, as well as much less depression and higher degrees of life satisfaction.
Leaving a true legacy
Through the relationship with their grandchildren, grandparents have an opportunity to leave a powerful legacy by making a difference in their lives through love and support.
However, retirees are often so focused on leaving a financial legacy for their families that they do so at the expense of investing in relationships that guide and form the next generations. The question then becomes; which is more valuable, more rewarding and more enduring?